party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
