i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
