okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
