i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
