My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
