so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
