i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And then he peed in my hair
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