I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Text me some of your sweat
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