we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
