Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
