I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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