Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he shaved USA in his pubs
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
