ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
