She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
