Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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