Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
