Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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