He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
