census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
