A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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