no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize