You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
