I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
