on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
