There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
