you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
