But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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