About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
