She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
