he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
