My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize