I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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