Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
