Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
