I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
