im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
