Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ttyl tear gas
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
