I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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