I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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