I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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