I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
