I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
