y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
