FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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