my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
