there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
