Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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