i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
