HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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