My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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