eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
