Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
