"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
birth control should be required to get into college
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
