no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
