I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
