Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
