so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
