Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
