Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize