the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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