He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How external is "for external use only"?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
