I love black thongs
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
