He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
