Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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