all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
