Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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