Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what day is it and did you see me today?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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