So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
