I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize