The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
