If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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