Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
