He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
